I'm writing this post in the Uni library after having a quick look on Human Development textbook. Initially, I'm planning to find some clues for my interview next week but nothing in the book and when I'm in the border of disappointment, a topic in the book attracts me......
Love Relationship......What is love???I'm sure everyone encounter this question ever and ever again in their life. Some might have their answers but some are not. Love is one of those things everybody feels but nobody can define COMPLETELY. In an interesting series of studies, Sternberg found that love has three basic component: 1) passion, an intense physiological desire for someone; 2) intimacy, the feeling that one can share all one's thoughts and actuions with another; 3) commitment, the willingness to stay with a person through good and bad times. Ideally, a true love relationship will have all three components and a balance between them is very important to maintain a happier relationship.
Normally early in a romantic relationship, passion is usually high wheareas intimacy and commitment tend to be low. This is an infatuation (an intense, physically based relationship in which the two poeple have a high risk of misunderstanding and jealousy. As time goes, as passion fades, either a relationship acquires emotional intimacy or it's likely to end. Trust, honesty, openness, and acceptance must be a part of any strong relationship; when they are present, romantic love develops.
Everybody wants to be loved by somebody, but actually having it happen is fraught with difficulties. We need to remember that love is two-sided: it can give you great ecstasy and so can it cause you great pain. Yet, most of us are willing to take the risk like me. So, how do people fall in love???? I found the answer in the theory of assortative mating, which states that people finds partners based on their similarity to each other. Interesting right, it states that healthy people tend to be in relationship with healthy people and same goes to level of education. Does this mean that a doctor wont have a good marriage with a dancer as they dont have same level of education?????
Another interesting theory mentions that people apply three filters when they meet someone: 1) Stimulus, do the person's physical appearance, social class and manners match your own? 2) Values, do the person's values regarding sex, religion, politic match yours? 3) Role, do her ideas about relationship, communication style, gender role match yours? If the answer to all is "yes", then you are likely to form a couple. I found that it's easy to say than do for these theories. We might found someone who matches all three filters but she/he doesn't like you, then how??
Another interesting fact, research shows that women tends to choose a more mascular man as a person with whom to have an exciting short-term relationship BUT tend to select a more feminine looking men for their husband or as the type of man their parents would want them to date. So should men be mascular or feminine??????
I'm not asking everyone to follow whatever theories or books to find your love ones. Loving someone is coming out from feeling but not based on the theory. But these theories will help you to understand more about a relationship and how to maintain it effectively. Loving someone is easy but to be loved by someone is not easy.
It's time for me to have my lunch and continue my day. Do leave some comments as what you think about love or regarding this post =)
